she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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