Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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