Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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