before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
