Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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