Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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