i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
