I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
