GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
