We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
