Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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