the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
