i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
