Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
