You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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