guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
