Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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