If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
