well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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