maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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