Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
