i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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