he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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