dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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