Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
