if i can run in heels then i can drive
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
