So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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