Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
