covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
