brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
