She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
