he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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