can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
