I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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