He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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