david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
