at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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