Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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