if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
