I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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