It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
