i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
