well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
