I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
