My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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