You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
