I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
