My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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