If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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