Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've blown a few things in my day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
being pregnant is like rehab
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
