There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
