oh god the rape fog is back!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
