I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
