PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
