Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
