I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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