can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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