I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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