He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
