note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
