No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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