the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
