His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
