were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
