Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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