he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
