I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
