hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
