last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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