why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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