I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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