It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched a dick in church today
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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