Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I could fuck to npr.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
