dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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