i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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