She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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