I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize