He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.