walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck