Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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  (209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment http://tfl.nu/1qk7
  Replies (6) Good night (2560) Bad night (726)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.

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  (708): I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle. http://tfl.nu/qqv1
  Replies (12) Good night (538) Bad night (4000)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college

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  (905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college http://tfl.nu/ke7d
  Replies (43) Good night (1288) Bad night (6261)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.

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  (908): and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line. http://tfl.nu/n1fc
  Replies (10) Good night (4441) Bad night (1356)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch

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  (812): Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch http://tfl.nu/sdde
  Replies (13) Good night (4861) Bad night (962)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.

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  (201): Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man. http://tfl.nu/hm6h
  Replies (4) Good night (3317) Bad night (851)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

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  (989): you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin http://tfl.nu/ftsd
  Replies (3) Good night (3021) Bad night (1053)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (5984) Bad night (795)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back

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  (602): Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back http://tfl.nu/8iy3
  Replies (2) Good night (2237) Bad night (661)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?

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  (214): You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right? http://tfl.nu/pmdc
  Replies (7) Good night (1061) Bad night (2479)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  French fry pizza

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Are you brilliant or just really high?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can't it be both?

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  (330): French fry pizza (502): Are you brilliant or just really high? (330): Can't it be both? http://tfl.nu/8jk8
  Replies (8) Good night (3319) Bad night (685)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS

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  (724): Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS http://tfl.nu/ftff
  Replies (17) Good night (2356) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant

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  (937): I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/spdi
  Replies (10) Good night (1126) Bad night (306)
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  (562): View more from California

  When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.

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  (562): When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much. http://tfl.nu/3gvt
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (331)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me

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  (270): I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me http://tfl.nu/n5ey
  Replies (1) Good night (443) Bad night (218)

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