I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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