Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.