You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
